Things that never happened on Supernatural
by PrincessGossamerRaventress
Summary: A series of AU drabbles about Supernatural.
1. The Unkindest Cut of All

A bloodcurdling scream tore through the night. Dean's heart sank. What torture was the King of Hell inflicting upon his baby brother?

Dean made his way desperately through the maze of corridors. He dodged booby traps, and fought off a hellhound, while all sorts of gruesome scenarios raced through his mind.

Finally Dean burst through the final door, only to see a smirking Crowley toss a pair of sharp blades to the ground, then disappear in a cloud of smoke.

Sam was crouched in a corner, rocking back and forth while moaning, "He cut it off, he cut it all off".

Dean felt a spurt of outrage. Quickly running towards his baby brother, he braced himself for the worst. He knelt by Sam's side and checked him for injuries. Dean felt a slight sense of puzzlement. Sam didn't appear to be injured so why was he acted so weird? Then he saw what Sam was clutching in his hands.

Dean took a good look at Sam. "I think it looks better," Dean said, breaking into laughter as he ran his hand over Sam's newly shorn locks. "I should have let Crowley do this to you a long time ago."

Sam's fist connected with Dean's jaw so fast Dean never saw it coming.


	2. Change the Channel, Please

Meanwhile, in Gabriel's TV Universe:

Two men stood in the driveway of a typical suburban house.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Sam said, looking around at the quiet neighborhood.

"I dunno, Sam," Dean said. "This looks like it could be the setting for any TV show."

"Yeah, well, I'm not doing another herpes commercial," Sam said.

Dean snickered. Hellish as this situation was, he had gotten a huge kick out of Sam's discomfort at doing an ad for an STD medicine.

Sam glared daggers at his brother. "It wasn't funny," he said curtly.

"Yes it was," Dean replied.

At that moment, a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds and illuminated Baby with a golden glow.

Dean smiled, "Damn girl. You look good today."

"It's just a car, Dean," an exasperated Sam snapped.

Dean recoiled in horror. "Shut your mouth," he yelled. He turned to the Impala, stroked her fender lovingly and said, "Don't listen to him Baby, he doesn't understand."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Should I leave you two alone together?" he said.

"Ignore him, Baby. He's just jealous," Dean said, and gave Baby another pat.

Sam made an epic bitchface.

Suddenly, a voice from nowhere said:

"Coming up next on Bizarre Sex: A Man in Love with His Car. Stay tuned for the strange and frankly unsettling love story between man and machine."

Sam practically fell over laughing.


	3. Be Careful What You Wish For

Crowley sauntered happily down the corridors of hell. The Father of Lies had done him a solid by taking out Rowena. Maybe the whole "let's trap Sam in hell" thing hadn't worked out exactly according to plan, but this unexpected bonus constituted a win in his book. He contemplated warning the Winchesters, but decided to let things play out without interference.

"Fergus!" an all too familiar voice screeched. Crowley jumped several feet into the air. After peeling himself off the ceiling he turned around. Much to his dismay, standing before him was a very pissed off Rowena. He stared at the woman before him.

"Mother! You're here in hell. How can this be?" Crowley said weakly.

"Of course I'm in hell, you stupid berk. I'm evil. Where did you think my soul would go? I thought you were supposed to be the clever one," Rowena said, glaring at her son.

Crowley was at a loss for words. Unfortunately, Rowena wasn't.

"You just stood there while Lucifer snapped my neck," she snarled. "Then you let him go without even trying to avenge the death of your poor devoted mother."

A feeble "uh" was all Crowley could muster.

"Ah well, now we'll be together, forever," she said, giving her son a vicious smile. "It won't take long for me to become a demon. Then we can rule hell together."

Crowley blanched. This was intolerable. He'd finally rid himself of the fiend, only to be stuck with her in the afterlife. He snapped his fingers, restoring his mother to life. He took a moment to savor Rowena's outraged scream as her soul was jammed back into her body.

Crowley quickly snapped the witch catcher on his mother's neck, summoned a couple of minions, and had his mother unceremoniously dumped in a cell.


End file.
